Peace.

Last night I went to sleep at 1:00 a.m. which is about 2 hours earlier than my usual schedule the last few weeks. I'm not really sure how I've functioned on the little rest that I have had. After sleeping for about one hour I awoke fully alert and unable to fall back asleep. I had originally fallen asleep with feelings of tension, anger, anxiety, and fearfulness. Upon awaking everything... seemed... well.
I had the fullest sense of peace.
Peace is not something that may be constrained to that absence of violence or hatred.
Peace is the idea that everything is in it's right place.
Peace is a reflection of proper Christian community.
Peace is the fullness of the presence of God.
I laid awake in prayer, in the fullness of the presence of God, for one whole hour experiencing the dynamic interplay of the transcendent YHWH entering the realm of my broken humanity and displaying his immanence. For once my mind was kept still. The usual philosophical thoughts and theological reflections that keep me questioning through the late hours of the night were captured by the grandeur of God's presence. At one point I got out of bed and went into Kyla's room to pray for her. I COULD NOT PRAY. At least I could not pray certain things. As I tried to pray for her as opposed the blessing that I usually pray over her I realized that anything that I would ask would be only a worry rather than a prayer. I have taught against the very idea of "worrying our prayers" and realized that I had been practicing that myself. All that needed said to my daughter was "peace be with you."
When the clock turned to 3:00 a.m. I asked God for rest. As if someone were actually speaking into my mind, the only thought I could think was, "Why do you need rest when you have peace?"