Consuming Me.

I am reading Matthew Sleeth's Serve God, Save the Planet. After quickly reading through chapter (1) I found myself broken, guilty, and in need of repentance. The book is not intended to be "guilt-trip" inducing (at least I didn't read it that way). The author confessed his previous sin of consumption and is passionate about his cause and calling and has demonstrated his commitment to a different way of living. It is, indeed, challenging (for lack of a more powerful word).
While the book is likely to continue specifically with creation care and love as the central theme, it provoked me to dig even deeper into myself to ask, "What really controls me?" I am broken right now - disgusted at myself. I have allowed materialism, status, and acceptance to reign in me and my attempts to be otherwise have been futile at best. I would try to explain my existing methods and praxis for being a steward of creation and wealth but I would merely be attempting to justify my lack of true commitment to giving and ultimately to worship of YHWH. May grace cover me and change me and my family and community.